Change the channel to OFF

I was swimming laps last night at the high school again. My ankles are bothering me a lot and walking has become quite painful. But I realize that if I don't lose weight the foot problems I've been having will not subside but worsen. This causes me quite a bit of anxiety. So as I'm swimming I'm wondering how long and how hard I should swim to have some positive effect on my weight. And then something very satisfying occured to me. Even if I was just splashing in the pool it was helping me.

Even if I was just painting, it would help me. Even if I just went up to the church, or to a lecture, or to a movie it would help me. The reason is this: I wouldn't be sitting in front of the TV nibbling on food! As long as I was engaged in some type of activity and not eating, this was a good thing! So it didn't matter how many laps I did in an hour, or that I didn't get a walk in because I was painting, the main thing was that I wasn't eating!

So just by changing the TV channel to "off" is a positive. It's not that I watch all that much TV, I don't. I do not have cable and most of the shows I find disturbing (they are all about death!) or just stupid (even the nightly news is full of political and pharmaceutical propoganda!). But it so happens that some nights I come home from work and I'm just psychicly exhausted. I just want to turn on the TV and zone out. The trouble is, I don't just zone myself out, I zone out my husband and I zone out my kids and I zone out the world outside, and I eat. The TV acts like a sedative, or some kind of neuro transmission blocker. My senses are dulled, all except the part that craves food. I attribute this to boredom. So there is some cheese, and some olives, and maybe a piece of toast with peanut butter. This goes on until bedtime.

Lately I haven't been indulging in this routine because I have been diagnosed with GERDS and it is harming my vocal chords. Anyone who knows me will attest to the fact that I love to sing. This danger to my vocal abilities really sobered me up about the crossroads my body has come up to. It's up to me to change my habits so I don't harm my body anymore than it has already been harmed. It's funny I couldn't run that tape just for obeisity, but we are strange creatures. What makes us really strange is our minds.

One of the behavior modifications of GERDS is to not eat anything 3 hours prior to bedtime. Sounds easy doesn't it. Try it. If you are like me, sometimes dinnertime and bedtime are only minutes apart. This has caused me to analyze my nightly habits. What happens with me and food when I come home from work at night? The TV routine was the first thing I noticed. How it is dysfunctional on so many levels. I'd find myself in front of the TV, emotionally unable to handle interaction with my family or responsibilities around the house. I took my mind's eye and looked down at myself from the ceiling fan. What I saw wasn't pretty. At this point I took the remote control and changed the channel to OFF.

The trouble is, after you do that, what's next? It's like snapping out of a coma. You're a little disoriented. A little unsure of reality. And most of all, you haven't got a clue what to do with yourself. Engage in the world around you? What? How can I do that? I'm exhausted from a long day at work.

But it doesn't take long for me to find something to do to amuse myself. And there's all that stuff I'm supposed to be doing anyway. It's not getting done while I'm sitting on the sofa. Mostly, I've been trying to read a little more. Lately I've been trying to get back to living with my family (this is harder than it sounds). Projects are getting done, and I'm actually sleeping better.

So even though I'm not logging in a 20 minute walk everyday, I'm finding something to do at night that keeps me occupied and away from the trough. Away from "boredom eating", or whatever the term might be. And it has also envigorated my life in ways that help me swim through the nights at home with a little more bouyancy, a little more calmness, and a little more love.