Friday, March 2, 2007

scared to relax

I was scared this week a lot. I was scared by the things that the government is doing to "protect" us. I was scared by reports about HPV. I was scared by my son's choice of movie rentals from the library. I was scared of driving home in the snow. I was scared of getting diabetes. I was scared I wasn't going to ever have time to make art again. I was scared I would never learn to sing a song the way I so want to sing it. I was scared I would never lose even a pound of weight. I was scared I wouldn't have enough money to pay all the bills. I was scared I was a hypocrite. I was scared my boss wouldn't like my work. I was so scared.

It didn't help that my brain was being flooded with hormones -- a condition commonly understood to be pms. Nerves fraying, tears flowing, and not knowing what the heck was going on. How could I possibly manage to stop all this fear?

But somehow I managed to make it through. I managed to make it to Friday.

I'm still a little short for the bills, and nothing I ever do will stop the government from their nefarious endevours, but somehow I made it out the other end and Saturday sits waiting for me.

Sweet Saturday!
I can sleep in! -- but I'll wake up at 5am anyway.
I don't have to go to work! -- but I have to clean the house and start the taxes.
I can relax! -- but I have to go to visit my mom in the nursing home, make sure my kids are kept amused, and catch up on my volunteer projects.

You know they say that stretching and breathing exercises can help you relax, but I find a good cry helps every time.

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