you confuse me

nothing makes sense

the walls don't match
taste is singing
seeing is poetry

and who are you?
who wields this universe
upon girded loin –

I'm scrambled
humbled
and fumbling
for some grasp
if only tentative,
of the temporal,
and external

but you are exponential
in your vast expanse,
ethereal and ephemeral
as a cloud.
your shoulders float,
thighs drift
into nebulous hips.
just a word from your lips
is like a tender kiss

I'm shuttled
into an elastic
eternity of ecstasy,
luminous
and infinitely warm

binary stars,
we are --
broadcasting
revelatory perturbations

you confuse me
collapse my cozy atmospheres

time is never so empty
as when I attempt to
fill it up without you

you break me down

you are my misery
you are my mystery
you are my horizon

did you ever think me worthy?
did you ever linger long
in your mind
between my thighs?
I tell no lies
you are welcome there
anytime.
but that's not all –
ankle
mouth
and finger tip,
hollow of my hip
you are welcome there too
anytime

lay down
smother my reason
please,
confuse me

find me

find me
some where behind the curtain
or underneath the rug

find me
beside myself and hurting
stiff from all the drugs

find me
with a rifle pointed at my brain
poised to pull the trigger

find me
trying to wash sadness down the drain
cleansing, breathing bigger

find me
in a coma on a doorstep or in bed
kneel down and try to notice
any function in my head

find me
unassuming, and ever unprepared
for coping, always hoping
but giving up instead

find me
find me

In a Manner of Speaking; Depeche Mode

In a manner of speaking
I just want to say
That I could never forget the way
You told me everything
By saying nothing
In a manner of speaking
I don't understand
How love in silence becomes reprimand
But the way I feel about you
Is beyond words

Oh give me the words
Give me the words
That tell me nothing
Oh give me the words
Give me the words
That tell me everything

In a manner of speaking
Semantics won't do
In this life that we live
We only make do
And the way that we feel
Might have to be sacrificed

So in a manner of speaking
I just want to say
That like you I should find a way
To tell you everything
By saying nothing

Oh give me the words
Give me the words
That tell me nothing
Oh give me the words
Give me the words
Give me the words
Give me the words
Give me the words

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qzjx6eEZcZo

performed by: Nouvelle Vague

A song in two incongruous acts

Act I
[somewhere near the lake, on a bench, looking out over the water]

Mr. incongruous
Why don’t you match?
What’s your angle
Mr. incongruous?

The absence of a response
Is an answer
I too can understand

Disingenuous business
two segments that intersect
but aren't quite equal

Act II
[in bed, at night, tangled in the quilts, just a voice in the moonlight]

What the hell!
Mr. incongruous
What the hell!
You don’t know
Me that well!
You don’t know
Me that well!

I trusted you
But you did not
Trust me
to be
a real person
about the whole thing

You're so incongruent
I don’t think
you’re so fluent
In matters of the heart
or even other parts

Mr incongruous
in the electronic mail
your actions
don't equate
you make my heart
palpitate
I radiate
matching
rays
but yours
don't lay that way

you're incongruous
and nothing matches
I've done the math
and I see that path
doesn't go
from point a
to point b

is it necessary
to draw you
a diagram?
or write a theorem?
Shall I try to postulate?
or capitulate?

You say you're transparent
but I think you are wrong
you're simply not there
except in this song

You reside in a place
where nothing can be
transparency
means you broadcast all
and there's no walls
around your reasons

but there's just nothing
transparency is something
but there's just nothing
where some "there" should be
nothing to your transparency
only duplicity
nothing to see
nothing to me

Mr Incongruous
mr incongruous
make the lines match
match mr match mr
make me a match

because incongruence feels like leprosy
It makes my skin crawl
then I feel nothing at all
then I feel rage
then I am sad
then I am mad
and again I feel nothing
at all

Un bel di

How could anything be more beautiful than this? It pierces the heart, shattering it –- then proceeds to heal it -- then shatters it again. Just breathtaking.

Un bel di, vedremo
Madama Butterfly, Puccini

Italian Text

Un bel dì, vedremo
levarsi un fil di fumo
sull'estremo confin del mare.
E poi la nave appare.
Poi la nave bianca
entra nel porto,
romba il suo saluto.

Vedi? È venuto!
Io non gli scendo incontro. Io no.

Mi metto là sul ciglio del colle e aspetto,

e aspetto gran tempo

e non mi pesa,

la lunga attesa.

E uscito dalla folla cittadina,

un uomo, un picciol punto

s'avvia per la collina.

Chi sarà? chi sarà?

E come sarà giunto

che dirà? che dirà?

Chiamerà Butterfly dalla lontana.

Io senza dar risposta

me ne starò nascosta
un po' per celia

e un po' per non morire

al primo incontro;

ed egli alquanto in pena

chiamerà, chiamerà:

"Piccina mogliettina,

olezzo di verbena"

i nomi che mi dava al suo venire.

(a Suzuki)

Tutto questo avverrà,

te lo prometto.

Tienti la tua paura,

io con sicura fede l'aspetto.

xxx

English Translation of "Un bel di, vedremo"

One good day, we will see
Arising a strand of smoke
Over the far horizon on the sea
And then the ship appears
And then the ship is white
It enters into the port,
it rumbles its salute.
Do you see it?
He is coming!

I don't go down to meet him, not I.
I stay upon the edge of the hill

And I wait a long time

but I do not grow weary of the long wait.
And leaving from the crowded city,
A man, a little speck

Climbing the hill.
Who is it? Who is it?
And as he arrives

What will he say? What will he say?
He will call Butterfly from the distance

I without answering

Stay hidden

A little to tease him,
A little as to not die.

At the first meeting,
And then a little troubled

He will call, he will call

"Little one, dear wife

Blossom of orange"

The names he called me
at his last coming.

All this will happen,
I promise you this

Hold back your fears -

I with secure faith wait for him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVRhuQWS4tc

redemption

Maybe it is too naive of me to think of Palestine and Israel as two groups that could resolve the problem of Zionism. One group wants to annihilate the other. Why do we tolerate Zionism in this form? Why do we tolerate the systematic murder of a whole group of virtually defenseless people? Who will intervene on the part of the Palestinians? Will Israel allow Palestine to be a nation again?

Why do we not equate Zionism with any of the other ultra-fundamentalists groups? Why do we support them and call Hamas a terrorist group?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ci7r_ayacVc&feature=related

The Big 5-0

This summer is a landmark birthday for me. I turn fifty. Forty seems like nothing now. I worry how I’m starting to look so old. But then I think about how lucky I am to have reached this milestone. I think about my living in this little town in the Midwest and how odds are probably in my favor to reach fifty, sixty, or even seventy!

That led me to consider many around this planet not as fortunate as I. They live in poverty stricken countries and have really greedy leaders who live in the lap of luxury while they starve to death, or they are people who live in war torn countries, like Palestine. Their odds of reaching fifty may not be so good.

For all the time I’ve lived on this earth, Palestine has been in turmoil. I have gone through my first lost tooth, my first day of school, my graduation, the birth of two sons, my father's death, nine presidents, and still, this constant remains; Palestine is in turmoil. In fact, the problems we see now in Palestine started ten years prior to my birth! So the people living there have been living with the Nakba for sixty years now.

Most things, like my jowls, if not well maintained, begin to sag and wither after fifty years. In order to survive longer, things need to be nurtured, cultivated, or at least supported some how. Unlike my aging body, the unrest in Palestine seems to be humming along better than ever after sixty years. How could that be? Who would want a war to go on and on like that? Surely in that long a time someone could work out even a problem the magnitude of Palestine? It defies logic!

Then I remember, that I too have some problems I have been working on for over forty years. But I at least I feel I’ve improved on the problems somewhat. It almost seems like someone doesn't want to solve the problems there. Maybe they're in denial, or maybe there is someone in that region with an interest in keeping that conflict going. But that someone would have to have very deep pockets wouldn’t they? I mean wars aren’t cheap! All that fancy killing stuff you have to build.

Is Israel that rich? Certainly Palestine is not, since they are an occupied territory they have no real economy, no real military of their own, they have to look to the benevolence of the occupying power for sustenance.

What about that wall Israel is building? How much did that baby cost? How many social programs could they have run for the Palestinians to build good faith? How many roads could that concrete have paved? How many hospitals and water treatment facilities would that have provided?

Things don’t match up. They just don’t square. Why would Israel want to keep fighting with the Palestinians? Why would it want to keep them angry and flailing back? What is the benefit? Surely there is more to gain where peace and prosperity reign? Even in a two state solution, if you have peace you win right?

So why tear down the olive trees, why persist with the “terrorist” hyperbole? What is to be gained? Who is supplying the weapons to Israel? Can’t we sanction that country? Maybe if we do that, we can pressure them into forcing Israel to take the high road and develop some social programs to help start rebuilding Palestine. What is to be gained by a conflict with Arab states? Isn’t it high time for peace? Who is this rouge nation that keeps helping Israel perpetrate this holocaust?

Oh my, it’s the USA! What could we be thinking? Weren’t we against the holocaust? Don’t we abhor the wholesale murder of women, children, and civilians? Aren’t we supposed to be keeping the world in check? How can this be? What crimes against humanity have the Palestinians committed to have to pay this agonizing price for sixty plus years?

Is it their shear determination that so astounds and dismays the Israelis that they can’t understand how this little pebble in their shoe, this annoyance that is Palestine, could cause so much stress?

But how much could the US be supplying to Israel for its continuous war on the Palestinians? Let’s check and see… Oh here’s something…

Since 1976, Israel had been the largest annual recipient of U.S. foreign assistance. According to a November 2001 Congressional Research Service report, Israel: U.S. Foreign Assistance, U.S. aid to Israel in the last half century has totaled a whopping $81.3 billion.

In recent years, Israel remains the top recipient of U.S. military and economic assistance. The most commonly cited figure is $3 billion a year, with about $1.8 billion a year in Foreign Military Financing (FMF) grants from the Department of Defense and an additional $1.2 billion a year in Economic Support Funds (ESF) from the Department of State. In the last decade FMF grants to Israel have totaled $18.2 billion. In fact, 17% of all U.S. foreign aid is earmarked for Israel.

For 2003, the Bush administration is proposing that Israel receive $2.76 billion in foreign aid, with $2.1 billion in FMF and $600 million in ESF. An additional $28 million will go to Israel for the purchase U.S. manufactured counter terrorism equipment.
(Arms trade resource center; 2003)

So there it is, your tax dollars at work. Seems to me a little good will by Israel would go a long way toward peace. If they could cease their fire, knowing full well they are the superior military force (thanks to the US). Or could it be that there is more money to be made for the mad policy makers if the war continues ad infinitum?

If no one was trying to keep this war going, my guess is that it would’ve ended long ago. But there is money coming in. As long as there is a check coming in to the greedy defense contractors and as long as they keep the pockets of the US Senators full, Washington will turn a blind eye to everything Israel does to the people of Palestine. And as long as Israel gets a lot more cash for war than they do for economic development and good will policies, they’ll just keep on a fightin’.

Things in Gaza are reaching critical mass. The Israeli killing machine is nearly ready to devour the remaining people in the Gaza strip. The war of attrition, the myriad excuses to pull infrastructure funding and humanitarian aid have resulted in an ad hoc prison population weakened by disease and demoralization, but stiffened by the resolve of one who has nothing left to lose.

The genocide in the Gaza strip is not unprecedented, but matched only in its calculation and rationalization by the Nazis in WWII. The heartless massacre of Palestinians is a daily occurrence. The various ways to murder them seems to have no end. Whether by starvation, toxic water, rocket attacks, bomb attacks, sniper fire, settler murder, or lack of proper medical care, the grip around their necks is unrelenting. Would you fight back? Would you leave your homeland? What would you do?

How many more decades will this insanity go on? I suspect as long as there is money to be made from waging war. I hope we find a way to make waging peace more profitable. The problem with peace is that it promotes the well being of many, which makes the gargantuan profits of the weapons makers shrink. They hate that.

Wouldn't it be great if Israel extended some good will toward Palestine? So many hearts have been wounded, it will take a lot of good will to repair those wounds. It will be a long and hard road to peace and reconciliation, and that road must not be bordered with a 20-foot high concrete wall, and it must be open to both Settlers and Palestinians to travel. Stranger things have happened. It's not impossible.

I hope when I'm coming up on my sixtieth birthday, all this will be just a bad memory.

habibi

oasis, clean and clear
line of date palms near
sand meets sea
Habibi, Habibi

soul within eye
ocean across sky
moment to be free
Habibi, Habibi

wind moving chimes
oranges and limes
one family
Habibi, Habibi

twilight breezes blending
supple willow bending
fragrant cypress tree
Habibi, Habibi

cushion from pain
song returns again
one anatomy
Habibi, Habibi