more hot house experiments

oh boy!

truth

my back aches
I must have done something to my shoulder
I'm really uncoordinated
I'm really insecure
I used to think I was an artist
when I found out I wasn't
I never figured out what I actually was
or couldn't face it,
because maybe I'm just a loser

But I'm still alive
and so I keep trying to improve
my spelling
something concrete like that

how this world got so upside down
I'll never know
or maybe it's just me...
I'm the one that's upside down
oh,
ahem, that's better
ah, it's all clear to me now!

evolution
creation
well, we seem to have been created
and we seem to be evolving... at least biologically.
or adapting to the hideous environment
as long as the minions
keep generating bills
and paying bills
the uglies
are happy

the unapologetic rich
the irresponsible powerful
they are the uglies

keeping money out of their pockets
keeps us stronger.
so you have to identify "their pockets"

oil
mass market food
market trades
stocks bonds

do the math:
repression of alternative energy and "cheap" energy benefits the uglies because if there were small "individual" generation of energy, that would cut into their monopoly on power generation "the grid" and that would make them so unhappy.
Think of the people starving because they don't have fresh water or energy. Think about the simplicity of energy generation and clean water. Making that available to the masses is a magnificent flower bud waiting to open, but it is being subverted and repressed by the greedy power holders. Think of the abundance of sunlight and wind, and the movement of water. These things were in use long before power grids. Long before the perceived necessity of a grid system with the convenience of power at your fingertips.

The selling point might be "safety", or "convenience", or "reliability", but the truth of the matter is POWER is MONEY and MONEY is POWER. So just remember that when you are paying your natural gas and electric bill this month. Who is that money going to? Who are the share holders in the energy market? Who is benefiting from your energy use? How can you keep the money out of their pockets and in your own?

Each day I become more and more convinced that before I die I am going to build and live in a home that is "off the grid" and use as many "pre-market" building materials as I can find. By "pre-market" I mean substances I can acquire by going to the local farmer and buying some hay, or mixing my own concrete and cement. I want to avoid the trap of "green-marketing" this is just another way they get the money.

My biggest dream is to keep the money from ever getting into their pockets in the first place. Deprive them of the wealth that is their power. I can only do this by not buying into the myth that drives our culture and our economy. Subvert the economy if you will, not as the Bushies did, to generate massive wealth for themselves and to rape the environment and further subvert peace on earth, but subvert the economy that aids and abets such criminal use of personal and common wealth.

This requires discipline, energy, and imagination. It also requires some money. But the use of discarded building materials or pre-market materials can be exploited to the advantage of the individual who wants to model a new kind of culture. I believe it can be done. I believe it should be done. I believe if it is NOT done, and not done NOW, we doom ourselves -- individually and collectively -- to live as slaves to a small class of wealthy, power-wielding idiots. This is not the future I see for my children. And I personally want no part of contributing to it any longer.

peace

Spring boxes

This is our day...

Opossum

crunch
waddle
silent
chew

furry
quiet
marsupial

found
you dead
in the road

but the
babies
were
unharmed

sure thing

interest
wanes

another
wanders

pathological
turmoil

safely nest
in the unrest

high aloft
tremendous
branches
sway

loaded up
and budding
dense dismay

healed

sea spray
on my face
fresh
cool
salty

warm
tides
rush
around
my ankles
churn
through
my heart

wells
spring up
showing
all the
brightness
settled
into
sunrise
broadcast
through
your eyes

clean
open
stark

balanced
unbridled
unbroken

ours

our parallels extend
twisting in tandem

and depending upon
dimension and perspective
sometimes converge

deeply seeming to intersect
and reemerge unaltered

the mass anyway --
but the structure
of the atoms
and the elements
therein
are modified
and a little
vector
toward
the future
is borne

almost home

I've made
so many mistakes
in my life

I've been
deceived
so many times

I've taken
too many chances
with my life

I've left
way too much
to fate

I'm over
half-way dead
and learning

I'm almost
a corpse
with a smile

I'm just about
to that fine day
where I lose

where I lose
the "I"
and become the "We"

I'm just about
there and ready
to be

resolve

you warned me
you said
it couldn't happen
you held up your hand
in front of me
you warned me
that the damage
was too great
you said
it couldn't happen
but for some
strange reason
i still think it can.

Thomas

your breath
is my light

so please continue
to treat me to
your mystery
your pathos
your dream

i hear it all
pounding
inside
my heart

sometimes
wavering
sometimes
strong

it's no use
by and by
i sleep within
your brown eyes

i wriggle in
the creases
that are whittling
toward your cheeks

but the passion
is young
and the attraction
is strong
like the first
time we met
half a lifetime ago

i still love you
i still imagine
that i mingle
with your every
molecule

and i still
hang upon your
every word

Sorry

But maybe you
Remembered that
I was too busy
So you decided
To visit some
One else, and talk to me
Later.

the worm, the worm!

Did you ever feel like that despite the fact that there is something like 6 billion other people in the world, you're all alone.

Nobody has any time for you. Nobody can relate to you.

Well, not the way you wish they would anyways.

It makes me happy for the few moments I do get with someone, where they at least pretend to care about me.

But I realize, it's all about them.

Then I ask myself, is it all about me?

Is that why I can't find a place to fit in?

I hope not.

I'd like to think I'm a caring and giving person. I'd like to think I appreciate other people. But I think I don't. I think I take them all for granted. So why shouldn't they take me for granted? After all, what do I have to offer them of any sustenance?

I just had the worst succession of days related to my free-lancing and computers that I've ever had. I really like this one client, and they gave me a simple job. Yet I am delivering it a week late, and having all kinds of problems doing it.

Not because it is hard. Partly because I was sick, then my computer had problems making pdfs. It still does, so the files don't look right. It's usually no problem. But now it is impossible for some reason to make pdfs. Then they say, well, you can send us all the native files, and we'll just go from there. You just have to Stuff them, or zip them. So I buy Stuffit on line today at work. I get home, and I can't download it. I'm sure it's some safety bootleg feature, they don't like my computer number or something because I'm on a different computer. They say I already downloaded it. But I didn't. So they got my money, and I got nothin'. And it wouldn't even be THAT bad, but I tried to buy that software two years ago and basically the same thing happened to me, except that it was $80 instead of $50 this time.

I am so tired. I'm so mad. I just want someone to say; "It's gonna be all right." But there's isn't anyone. My mom is gone, my dad is gone, my brother and sister are gone, my son isn't gone, but he's mia. So here I am. wallowing in my self pity.

I tried eating it away. That's another thing! I GAINED SIX POUNDS since I've been sick. Isn't there any mercy?

I'm tired and sick. And the space shuttle isn't even going to launch. They've got their own peanut butter problems! Can you imagine? Getting all the components ready you need for a launch and then something stupid happens? Then you've got Russia shooting something off to dock at the space station, so your window for launch is closing fast. Next best April. I guess if you're in a rocket and you have a bad day, it can get lethal. I guess my problems pale in comparison to that.

But things will get better right? Your parents never tell you that life gets exceedingly worse as you grow older. Your family starts to die, and you're just left with the little family you've gathered. If they aren't around and don't care, you're pretty much screwed. Get used to being alone I guess. Maybe that's why TV is so popular.

So now I've talked myself off the ledge. I wonder what I can do to distract myself until it's time to go to bed. I guess there is some cleaning to do. Stamp collecting. Bird watching. Maybe a nice hot bath.

Economic Crisis by Design?

Does anyone else out there wonder about this financial crisis? I guess I wonder about the timing and the bail outs.

I can't help but think it is all by design. At least loosely.

What do the corporates have to lose if they take massive risks and fail at those risks and then have the tax payers bail them out? Really no risk there that I can see, at least to the financial institutions that cooked the books and manufactured these bogus loans and securities. The "big guy" is insulated from the gutted infrastructure, educational system, and health care crisis. The policies streaming from Washington are designed by these people. The "representatives" in Washington are elected by the "people" after their campaigns are bought and paid for by the "big guys" Seems as though maybe, our governments been privatized too?

Who do they think they're fooling?

Well, actually it seems to be working quite well. Here we are, all worried about our jobs. And willing to take ANY job, no matter what the benefits or how well it pays. Hmmm. Who would that benefit in the long run?

Privatize education? transportation? health care? energy? Why not? The taxpayer is already over-burdened by all the bail-outs, the war funding, and toxic waste clean-up. They can't be expected to fund the commonwealth too? Things that benefit society like social programs, libraries, schools, health care, are just excessive, Right?

The "crisis" makes it seem like the only way out of more public debt is to privatize all the public benefits we once enjoyed. It has been happening incrementally over the last ten years anyway. Think about fees, fines, and add-ons. Things that were once owned by the commonwealth are now eroded away by underfunding, or no funding at all.

Who's pocket books jingle when this stuff happens? Not the general population. To answer the question about whether or not this "crisis" is by design or not, just take a good look at who will benefit the most from it. They just buy low, sell high.

a public service announcement from the military industrial complex

BE AFRAID! BE VERY AFRAID!!!

That way, you keep funding us and all our pork projects.
You stay employed making weapons of mass destruction, we take the massive profits we make from over-priced weapons sales, sales of these weapons to our "allies" and "enemies" and then you employ us to clean up the mess the weapons make! Rebuild infrastructures to our "specifications" and of course construct new "democracies" from the ground up! It's all good!

We just have to close the loop with the health care industry, and we're almost there!
Just keep taking all that serial medication your doctor prescribes. Doctors from the schools we fund!

As long as you stay afraid of the one-eyed cleric in Afghanistan and all the terrorists around the world who are threatening to take away all your vast freedoms! Freedoms which by-the-way, we afford you through our benevolence. You wouldn't want to loose all the freedom to get into massive debt going to school with the bleak hopes of getting a good paying job, pay off that loan working for a low paying wage, get in more debt and be afraid to lose that job because you'll lose your health care!

But those terrorist will get you if you don't watch out! We're not the enemy! It's those guys with the towels on their heads! Over there! Look over there!

We're only here to protect you and this great country from the demise that those terrorists are plotting! In these hard times we are especially vulnerable! Think of the plans those rogue groups could be making! We are more vulnerable now than ever! Why we can't underfund the military now!

We remain unscathed by the current global crisis because we and our interest holders have certain "securities" in place that insulate us from the current maelstrom. heh, heh, heh.

So remember, we count on you being afraid. It keeps this economy running smoothly. Without your fear, you wouldn't support massive military missions and hardware and software projects. Technological advances are achieved because of your fear, so you see, without fear, we would be back in the dark ages! Fear drives evolution!

Next time you look in the mirror, imagine the one-eyed cleric looking back at you and ask yourself; "Am I ready for this guy to run America?" If your answer is; "No" you know who to support.

I know

I know my soul now
it sizzles inside me
it burns visions on my heart

I know my soul now
it has hidden so long
it left me lost and longing

but my journey has touched
the perfect tuning
a string that vibrates
in light

I know my soul now
nothing can harm me
I just have to walk slowly
toward touching you