the worm, the worm!

Did you ever feel like that despite the fact that there is something like 6 billion other people in the world, you're all alone.

Nobody has any time for you. Nobody can relate to you.

Well, not the way you wish they would anyways.

It makes me happy for the few moments I do get with someone, where they at least pretend to care about me.

But I realize, it's all about them.

Then I ask myself, is it all about me?

Is that why I can't find a place to fit in?

I hope not.

I'd like to think I'm a caring and giving person. I'd like to think I appreciate other people. But I think I don't. I think I take them all for granted. So why shouldn't they take me for granted? After all, what do I have to offer them of any sustenance?

I just had the worst succession of days related to my free-lancing and computers that I've ever had. I really like this one client, and they gave me a simple job. Yet I am delivering it a week late, and having all kinds of problems doing it.

Not because it is hard. Partly because I was sick, then my computer had problems making pdfs. It still does, so the files don't look right. It's usually no problem. But now it is impossible for some reason to make pdfs. Then they say, well, you can send us all the native files, and we'll just go from there. You just have to Stuff them, or zip them. So I buy Stuffit on line today at work. I get home, and I can't download it. I'm sure it's some safety bootleg feature, they don't like my computer number or something because I'm on a different computer. They say I already downloaded it. But I didn't. So they got my money, and I got nothin'. And it wouldn't even be THAT bad, but I tried to buy that software two years ago and basically the same thing happened to me, except that it was $80 instead of $50 this time.

I am so tired. I'm so mad. I just want someone to say; "It's gonna be all right." But there's isn't anyone. My mom is gone, my dad is gone, my brother and sister are gone, my son isn't gone, but he's mia. So here I am. wallowing in my self pity.

I tried eating it away. That's another thing! I GAINED SIX POUNDS since I've been sick. Isn't there any mercy?

I'm tired and sick. And the space shuttle isn't even going to launch. They've got their own peanut butter problems! Can you imagine? Getting all the components ready you need for a launch and then something stupid happens? Then you've got Russia shooting something off to dock at the space station, so your window for launch is closing fast. Next best April. I guess if you're in a rocket and you have a bad day, it can get lethal. I guess my problems pale in comparison to that.

But things will get better right? Your parents never tell you that life gets exceedingly worse as you grow older. Your family starts to die, and you're just left with the little family you've gathered. If they aren't around and don't care, you're pretty much screwed. Get used to being alone I guess. Maybe that's why TV is so popular.

So now I've talked myself off the ledge. I wonder what I can do to distract myself until it's time to go to bed. I guess there is some cleaning to do. Stamp collecting. Bird watching. Maybe a nice hot bath.