a sprig of hope

I was very down about my mom, and feeling all small, so I went for a walk on my lunch. The aroma of lilacs was in the air, I went over to a bush and picked one sprig to bring back to the office, hoping it would help cheer me. Then I sat at this little half circle planter that faces the arched foot bridge over Campus Drive near where I work. The sun was warming me, and the scent of the lilacs soothed my soul as I sniffed back the tears that welled up as I processed all this mom stuff.

I decided to take a little walk around the block, so me and my little lilac sprig hiked up the arched walkway. I stopped near a pine tree that was reaching over the railing, as if to shake my hand, so I touched it. I saw its tiny new branch sprouts still had their papery amber hats on. I pulled one off and let the wind take it out of my fingers. Then I looked at that beautiful light aqua green tuft of new branch. It was so soft and beautiful. I brushed my hand across the branches before I began along my way again and the air was filled with powdery ribbons of pollen or spores from the tiny pine cones this tree displayed. So I shook it some more. Soft buttery yellow smoke spilled into the air. Some body was coming, and I didn't want to get sent to the happy home so I reluctantly moved on down the spiraled stairway to the road near the Stock Pavilion.

I love that building. I thought about checking the doors and going in to explore, but something told me the doors would be locked so I sauntered on. As I passed people, it made me feel more comfortable to put the sprig of lilacs up to my nose, covering my face. I felt sheltered, as if no one could hurt me anymore. The ordeal with my mom yesterday left me feeling small and vulnerable. I think there was a transference of sorts of her vulnerability to me. I was her advocate. I felt I'd failed. So putting just the least of this barrier between me and anyone felt better than not.

I turned the bend toward the streets that pass the building where I work. I crossed all the busy roads where the cars seem like they're trying to hit you. I looked up and was in awe of an absolute drama of cloud formations above me. Backlit by the noonday sun, a low hanging cumulus cloud cast grey and above an azure blue sky with wisps of sirius clouds stark white and frozen high in that backyard pool of heaven. I saw my number three bus turning the corner and was thinking it must be 12:03. I'd hoped I wasn't too late getting back. Just about then, a young woman stepped out of the building where I work and turned down the sidewalk towards me. She had very light blond hair and a petite frame. She was wearing white pants and a pink shirt which brought out the pink of her teary eyes.

As she approached me I felt such a solid kinship with her at that very moment in time. I felt that she and I new the teardrop, no matter why it was shed, and we could forever share that cosmic second. Like a cataclysmic event, but not disastrous. Just human, gentle, and warm. So I looked at her and I said; "Hi." and I reached out and gave her my fragrant sprig of lilac that had comforted me the past 15 minutes. Hoping that it might comfort her, knowing a hug would be way to weird. And she took it and didn't miss a step walking to her car. I hope she's not allergic.

I felt kind of like I was passing a baton in a relay race of sorrow. But I really hope it brings her heart some comfort. Not only its beauty, but that some stranger might be sensitive to her pain and be bold enough to step over the line and give her a gift of comfort in a non-threatening way. Pink crying eye, to pink crying eye. Woman to woman. Human to human. Soul to soul.